(That’s not just me being weird, I’m quoting Matt Smith. He only hosted one bbc tournament I think, but he (a) wasn’t Ray Stubbs, and (b) was FANTASTIC.)
I didn’t die. And I didn’t forget about snooker. I’m just lazy and let months pass by without noticing them. I didn’t write about PROBABLY THE MOST EXCITING SNOOKER FINAL IN THE WORLD EVER, in the UK. I have a lovely saved draft about it; I’ll summarise:
“I didn’t look, I hate John Virgo, I love John Higgins, I love Mark Williams too but never mind, I love John Higgins, I love snooker, isn’t snooker amazing? Snooker is better than [long list of most things]. John Virgo was as ANNOYING as in the nineties, it made me almost nostalgic but mostly furious. John Higgins got snookers. SNOOKERS!!!!!! Mark Williams WON THAT MATCH, he potted FRAME BALL, and John Higgins is champion. I LOVE SNOOKER. ALSO GOD.”
That is a lot more succinct than my drafted post, and says about as much sense.
Other things I haven’t posted about . . . presumably someone became Master of Snooker? Was it Ding? I LOVE DING. And someone won in Wales, I WENT TO WALES, it was fantastic, I didn’t see Stephen Hendry get a 147, I like them playing with the screen up, I saw Matthew Stevens pot things as if it was a dream, I saw Higgins playing a CHILD. Wales was great. I think is Higgins king of Wales? He’s king of Scotland, in some new weird thing I didn’t really understand and probably doesn’t count. It only finished like two days ago, I’m desperately concerned that they drained all the snooker out of Higgins and he’ll be ruined. China! There was China which Judd Trump sort of bagsied. I didn’t watch that, or Germany, where I think Mark Williams won. This is some months of snooker condensed, it is like I missed NOTHING.
Here is a table that I made of how I would like this new tournament that we are having tomorrow to proceed, I would like it if all the players studied it and made it come true:
