Day . . . 6?

9 December 2011 at 12:42 am (snooker, uk championship 2011)

Hm.

Maguire didn’t win his match.
Ding didn’t win his.
Fu didn’t win his.

ON THE OTHER HAND:

Murphy totally went home.

So it’s kind of a balance. I don’t hate Trump or Allen, and Allen does kind of deserve a good run with how weird everyone’s being about him. Now I will be saddest if Robertson wins, which he will. I’ll be quite confused if Walden wins, but SEEING AS THEY MADE THE WHOLE TOURNAMENT MEANINGLESS he might as well.

It’s nice for Terry that his guys can stop playing each other now.

Today was probably quite exciting, snooker-wise. I just don’t care because it didn’t turn out well. Fu should have won, he got terribly close, after coming back from being behind, and then he didn’t, also I think Allen started fluking things again, so whatever.

It’ll be quite nice to get back to decent length matches tomorrow, but it’s a bit late now what with no one I care about being left. I will perhaps fade away again.

OH DING. I LOVE DING’S WHOLE FACE.

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Day five of the uk championship

8 December 2011 at 2:29 am (snooker, uk championship 2011)
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I ignored snooker for the TINIEST WHILE when it started today and it just went terrible. Murphy got 2 frames and Williams lost 3. Snooker is rubbish when left to its own devices. Admittedly, it is also rubbish when I sit and worry over it.

I just want Mark Williams to WIN THINGS. It’s a reasonable request.

Anyway:

Williams 3 – 6 Walden

In the 3 frames I didn’t watch, MJW apparently played kind of fine, he nearly got a fucking maximum, but he didn’t actually get any frames at all. Because Ricky Walden was all in his way. He won the fourth frame, because I sat and *helped* him.

During the mid-session interval there was just SO MUCH NEWS that we didn’t even have to look at Murphy, which is a great policy, the bbc should adopt it harder.

Instead we had an interview with Ronnie, and they just shouldn’t interview him when he is emotional and would tell you anything. But also they said kind things and Ken wanted to hug him, and I sort of think hugs from Ken might cure ANYTHING.

(Oh Steve Peters must be sad. Ronnie was going to be his greatest triumph and instead all he’s done is push him back ten years.)

Then they showed a bit of Mark Allen saying things and pooh poohed the idea that there was anything wrong with Barry Hearn at all.

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Day the fourth.

7 December 2011 at 1:38 am (snooker, uk championship 2011)
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a) I believe the bbc are CGI-ing children into the snooker, because we know children don’t like snooker, nobody likes snooker, but especially not the young little ones, so WHY ARE THEY THERE? Nigel Bond isn’t even there for them to love and admire.

b) The WPBSA people are going to try to discipline Mark Allen for being grumpy. Hah! Wankers.

c) The bbc are paying John Parrott to whine on about how nice the short matches are, and isn’t it great that crowds get to see a result, how amazing. I AM SORRY. You are not increasing the number of results by making the match shorter. So the same number of people can come and see the RESULTS BITS, JOHN PARROTT. You’re just taking away the nice first sessions from the people who love them. Also it’s pants. Also, stop lying.

d) I love snooker. Despite that thing that happened today. And that other thing.

O’Sullivan 5 – 6 Trump

Stevens 5 – 6 Ding

OH SNOOKER, LOOK WHAT YOU DID THERE.

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UK, day 3

6 December 2011 at 11:47 am (snooker, uk championship 2011)
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Mark Allen hates Barry Hearn. Mark Allen hating Barry Hearn is one of the things I like about Mark Allen. I still fail at disliking Mark Allen as much as I sort of feel I should. I think he’s quite good at snooker, I think that’s what throws me.

Yesterday was basically awesome. How lovely is Joe Jogia, NEARLY ENTIRELY LOVELY. But let’s start with the beginning:

Trump 6-4 Dale

Allen 6-3 Gunnell

I didn’t watch Mark Allen playing snooker.

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The UK, day two

5 December 2011 at 2:06 pm (snooker, uk championship 2011)

I spent yesterday quite drunk. And watched very little snooker really, all things considered. It was probably a better plan than paying attention.

The nicest bit of day two was when the commentators during O’Sullivan/Davis just detoured for five minutes into talking about how nice it is that Matthew Stevens is back in the top sixteen. Yes. Yes it is nice.

Selby 6-0 Day

Bingham 4-6 Fu

I didn’t watch the Selby thing. Because it was painful.

I didn’t entirely watch the Fu thing either. Because Fu won a total of ONE FRAME while I was looking at him, and Bingham won a total of FOUR. Literally every time I looked at the screen Fu missed. And I don’t even care about him all that much. He’s got married, I hope he’s married that lovely girlfriend we met a year or two ago who was quiet and lovely.

O’Sullivan 6-1 Davis

Carter 6-4 Milkins

I quite liked the bits of O’Sullivan/Davis that I saw, mostly they were the bits where they were playing safety and enjoying themselves.

Carter was weird because sometimes when I watched it was like Ali Carter was AMAZING and knew what he was doing. And sometimes it was like he … didn’t. He won, though. So that’s nice.

Murphy 6-3 Li

Gould 6-2 Lines

OH GOD. I really liked Li. It’s easy to like new people when they’re playing against Murphy, obviously. But I liked when he remembered how to pot things after a while, and I liked his hair, and I liked how he wasn’t Murphy, but Murphy was Murphy, and it isn’t fair to make the new ones play him, so Li didn’t do awfully well.

And I didn’t watch any of Gould/Lines.

I understand that this isn’t the most insightful post about snooker you have ever read. They very much put the people I care about on in day 1. And then Williams happens later today.

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The UK 2011 – Day The One

3 December 2011 at 11:55 pm (snooker, uk championship 2011)
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(I call it ‘the UK’, in many ways it’s a new, meaningless tournament, because they’ve taken all the frames away and are playing it in some sort of rush with the screens up. So it might as well be anything.)

Snooker was hilarious today.

In the morning session, which is some sort of lunchtime affair now, Ding was playing on one table and Higgins on the other. They both sort of dawdled their way to 5-5 and were going to go home because snooker hates me and that’s fine. I was okay with that.

Except then the snooker gods woke up and looked down on what they had created and frowned at it, and POTTED BALLS OF THEIR OWN ACCORD. Literally they did. Within about twenty minutes of each other Ding and Higgins both won their matches on flukes. HIGGINS FLUKED TWICE. It was BEAUTIFUL.

You have no idea how cross and outraged I would be if Robertson and Selby had just won matches on flukes both at the same time for no good reason. But they didn’t. So I don’t care.

I could put some numbers in:

Higgins 6 – 5 McLeod

Ding 6 – 5 Davis (M)

So that was nice.

The most idiotic thing a commentator said today was Read the rest of this entry »

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‘Power’ Snooker

20 November 2011 at 4:07 pm (snooker)

Possibly my inverted commas are inverting the wrong part of that title. I don’t think it’s either very powerful or very snooker.

I stopped writing about snooker, but I need somewhere to have some rage about this.

The issues I have with powersnooker are many, and the utter dismissiveness with which ANY issues are treated in some places are FUCKING ME OFF EVEN MORE.

Things I’m not complaining about even though any complaints you seem to make about power snooker seem to be taken as ‘oh you just don’t like that they have to make changes and try new things’:

I don’t have any issues with the game itself. But EVERY other issue I have had with anything has been argued with as though I was just sad that they’d changed the rules. Because people are wankers. I think for a random charity event, this could be a nice weekend of a kind of new game that’s okay. (I’d turn the lights up and make the table a sensible colour, obviously.) It’s not as good as real snooker, but it would be fine if any of the players were enjoying themselves, and if Hazel was there. And if everyone involved with it wasn’t a dick.

(Actually I really like Sarah as well. I know she’s there to be pretty and show legs, but what I really really like is that the same men who she has been put there for are also the ones judging her for not knowing about snooker. Oh, isn’t sexism grand? NOBODY who starts presenting snooker knows anything about snooker. Rishi didn’t know a THING when he started, Ray Stubbs presented snooker for AGES and NEVER learned anything about it. Somehow their inane questions were fine, but with Sarah, oh she’s an air head. Lovely.)

Things I have issues with, big issues, big, massive:

They keep saying, “the future of snooker”, “snooker for the new millennium”, “moving with the times”, etc.

a) Fuck off. It’s not the future of snooker is it? Because it’s not snooker. And . . . I come from fandom, and it’s like they’re trying to reboot snooker the way they do with remakes all the time now, and they’re just talking about themselves as if anyone was taking them seriously and it’s EMBARRASSING. The players don’t care. They keep asking them in interviews and they all go ‘well it’s a nice bit of fun’ even though they look bored as hell, and haven’t bothered to find out the rules. And the makers of power snooker kind of bristle as if we should be embracing this and probably changing the world championship immediately. They’re doing every wanky thing it is possible for a remake to do.

I understand the need to try to create enthusiasm about a new event, but you don’t have to do that by being rude and STUPID AND SMALL MINDED about snooker itself. That’s just idiotic. Like the rest of your weird event.

Describing this as ‘a breath of fresh air’ or ‘a refreshing change’ is not encouraging people to like snooker, is it? It’s painting real snooker as something dull and old and boring. Something it isn’t, and something you shouldn’t want people to think it is. Claiming that stuff like this is going to encourage people to enjoy snooker while simultaneously taking every opportunity to HATE SNOOKER YOURSELVES is stupid.

b) YOU CANNOT BE THE FUCKING FUTURE IF YOU HAVE PRETTY ‘GIRLS’ LEADING THE PLAYERS TO THE TABLE. If you are sponsored by The Sun. And if the coverage is sponsored by a beer that calls this ‘REAL MEN’S TV’. If you are coming from the past with your stupid sexist ugly coverage then you are not the future, you’re an embarrassment.

In the old days of the world championship ‘pretty girls’ came on with the cheque and trophy at the end. Do you know why they stopped doing that? BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING DISGRACEFUL.

I went to see the premier league once, I think that’s what it was, they had a warm up guy who told mother-in-law jokes. MOTHER IN LAW JOKES! And they had bits before the adverts where ‘pretty girls’ welcomed players out of cars or something. It’s the only snooker they play anywhere near me, but it was the most alienated I’ve ever felt at a snooker game. Everything about the set up SCREAMED that it wasn’t for me, that they didn’t care about my being there. It was for men.

Powersnooker is doing the same thing only more so. I can’t believe the power girls. (They’re not girls, they’re women. I have to say that, in case nobody has noticed.) It’s just sick. It’s everything that is vile about itv darts. I can’t believe they think it’s acceptable in this day and age, much less pretend they’re bringing snooker into a new age. FUCK OFF HARDER.

This is why I am SO VERY ATTACHED to the bbc snooker coverage. It’s not like they’re perfect or don’t make mistakes – the ‘warm up’ guy at the welsh snooker joked about how guys had dragged their girlfriends to the snooker on valentine’s day, with the guys having to sit there going ‘well no, she just likes snooker’ – but they still, most of the time, actually make me feel like maybe my favourite sport doesn’t hate me. Which is a valuable feeling for me. And not one that ANY OTHER TV station seems to care to replicate.

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Hello, snooker fans!

15 April 2011 at 11:51 pm (world championship 2011)
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(That’s not just me being weird, I’m quoting Matt Smith. He only hosted one bbc tournament I think, but he (a) wasn’t Ray Stubbs, and (b) was FANTASTIC.)

I didn’t die. And I didn’t forget about snooker. I’m just lazy and let months pass by without noticing them. I didn’t write about PROBABLY THE MOST EXCITING SNOOKER FINAL IN THE WORLD EVER, in the UK. I have a lovely saved draft about it; I’ll summarise:

“I didn’t look, I hate John Virgo, I love John Higgins, I love Mark Williams too but never mind, I love John Higgins, I love snooker, isn’t snooker amazing? Snooker is better than [long list of most things]. John Virgo was as ANNOYING as in the nineties, it made me almost nostalgic but mostly furious. John Higgins got snookers. SNOOKERS!!!!!! Mark Williams WON THAT MATCH, he potted FRAME BALL, and John Higgins is champion. I LOVE SNOOKER. ALSO GOD.”

That is a lot more succinct than my drafted post, and says about as much sense.

Other things I haven’t posted about . . . presumably someone became Master of Snooker? Was it Ding? I LOVE DING. And someone won in Wales, I WENT TO WALES, it was fantastic, I didn’t see Stephen Hendry get a 147, I like them playing with the screen up, I saw Matthew Stevens pot things as if it was a dream, I saw Higgins playing a CHILD. Wales was great. I think is Higgins king of Wales? He’s king of Scotland, in some new weird thing I didn’t really understand and probably doesn’t count. It only finished like two days ago, I’m desperately concerned that they drained all the snooker out of Higgins and he’ll be ruined. China! There was China which Judd Trump sort of bagsied. I didn’t watch that, or Germany, where I think Mark Williams won. This is some months of snooker condensed, it is like I missed NOTHING.

Here is a table that I made of how I would like this new tournament that we are having tomorrow to proceed, I would like it if all the players studied it and made it come true:

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The best final for YEARS

12 December 2010 at 11:52 am (snooker, uk championship 2010)
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I am so happy right now. I don’t have much of anything to say.
I really really like three of the top four players in the ranking list now (THAT IS THE STRANGEST FEELING). Which means that people I like get to the final really quite often lately. Normally not two of them, though. And this one is particularly special because they’re both people I’ve thought I might *never* get to see play snooker again, and they play some of my favourite snooker of all time. Obviously with John, there was an awful chance he would be banned, and with Mark he was WORLD NUMBER 47, I just thought he was going to disappear into Prestatyn forever. And now they’re in the final of the UK championship, and it’s just very very pleasing.

I can’t talk much about Mark Williams. Because obviously I didn’t *watch* most of that brilliant and amazing thing happen. I haven’t failed to watch snooker out of fear and pessimism in so long, but twitter was so impossibly infuriating and the commentators were killing me and I know there are mute buttons for both of those things, but I just didn’t want to look at Murphy any more, and oh my god. I watched the live scores – which are one of the better things Barry Hearn has done to snooker – while pretending not to look at the live scores, and then when Mark Williams had got one frame back I put the snooker on in a corner and determinedly played tetris as if it was far more entertaining. OH MY GOD.

What happened, in case I ever come here trying to work that out, was that Mark Williams went 6-3 in front quite happily, and then it should have been 7-3, but Murphy got him in a snooker and Mark Williams went a bit wobbly and started missing just everything, and so it was 6-4, and then, suddenly and horribly, it was 6-8 and the world was an awful place. Except Murphy is too new to understand about grit! Brilliant. Mark Williams just won those last three frames by potting long balls as if he had NEVER HAD A PROBLEM THANK YOU VERY MUCH. It was stunning and strange and slightly as if snooker quite liked us. Read the rest of this entry »

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Semi Finals

11 December 2010 at 3:17 pm (snooker, uk championship 2010)
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Higgins/Allen – 9-5

What was that then? They were 4-4 at the mid session and then Higgins, rather than letting Mark Allen have a few frames just to keep everything interesting, won the evening session 5-1 and is in a final. It’s like that thing that commentators always think will happen where John Higgins gets a bit in front and then makes it count, and then it happened and they were right and that would have been upsetting if it wasn’t excellent. I can’t remember anything that happened, I think mostly John Higgins potted things without making too much of a meal of it, and Allen gave him a few easy chances by not being gritty enough.

Grit is v important in beating people from the late nineties.

Williams/Murphy – 1-0

Williams has remembered how to cue! This is a terrific, somewhat unexpected, twist to the match. His children are there watching him, the children who RUINED HIS CAREER. Apparently he’s not holding a grudge.

He potted a lot of things in the first frame, but now in the second one he keeps ending up about two inches off the baulk cushion and I am judging him, I DON’T THINK YOU CAN EXPECT TO WIN MATCHES PLAYING LIKE THAT, WILLIAMS.

They’re wearing the ugliest combination of waistcoats ever – although at least Mark Williams is welsh, Mark Allen wears a red waistcoat sometimes and just looks bizarrely wrong, like he hates his country and wants to confuse.

Mark Williams missed a red ball. YOU CANNOT EXPECT TO GET TO THE FINAL OF THE UK MISSING BALLS LIKE THAT, MARK. I’m expecting Mark Williams to throw away the opportunity for a Higgins/Williams final, just so I won’t be too happy. But I don’t care, I want Higgins to win it anyway so that he gets to be world number one.

Well, Mark Williams has played a careless safety there, Shaun Murphy’s not on anything, but I expect he’ll go on now to win this frame. And then the match, because this, the second frame out of a possible seventeen, is a frame Mark Williams really needs to win if he’s going to keep a hold on this match, and indeed retain any pretence of playing snooker professionally as a career.

None of this is stuff the commentators are saying, it’s just I’ve been commentating on everything since yesterday afternoon in the tone of John Virgo and it’s difficult to stop. It’s a terrible habit to get into and I don’t recommend it.

Oh. It’s 2-0 now. Excellent.

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Commentary

10 December 2010 at 3:37 pm (snooker, uk championship 2010)
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That’s the easiest ball I’ve ever seen John Higgins miss.
You’ll never see a worse shot from John Higgins than this, very unusual.
A black ball off the spot, you can’t keep missing those.
He’ll be kicking himself over that.
I don’t understand how he’s missed that, it’s a bread and butter shot for a player like John Higgins.
He’s not happy with that and I don’t blame him, it’s not often he misses one of those.
I’ve never seen John play a shot that bad before.
I can’t see him missing this one . . but he has!
I’ve never seen John miss anything easier.
That was an absolute sitter and he’s let it get away.
That was as easy a shot as you’ll see, but somehow he’s hit the near cushion.

NOT EVERY BALL YOU SEE HIGGINS MISS IS THE EASIEST BALL HE HAS EVER MISSED. You see him miss an easy ball at least once every three frames – and that’s when he’s playing at his BEST, often in matches it’s every frame. EVENTUALLY IT HAS TO STOP COMING AS A SURPRISE. OH MY GOD COMMENTATORS ARE SO FRUSTRATING.

THAT’S UNFORGIVABLE.
WELL, THIS IS REALLY INEXCUSABLE.
YOU CANNOT EXPECT TO WIN MATCHES PLAYING LIKE THAT.

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9 December 2010 at 4:23 pm (Uncategorized)

Higgins played Maguire, and to begin with it was brilliant because Maguire was really really pretending to be a grown up snooker player, he didn’t take things on, he played safe, he calmed down, it was AMAZING. And then John Higgins got a bit behind and went ‘OH SNOOKER’ and woke up and Maguire fell about a bit and was all himself again and OH MAGUIRE DO TRY.

Life is so easy when you don’t worry about John Higgins being behind. He was 5-3 and it went to 5-6 and Dennis was all ‘Well, would you believe it???’ and the rest of the world was very ‘Yes, Dennis, this is all John does, match after match, year after year.’

Shaun Murphy is playing Robertson, apparently it is quite a good match, I can’t look at it. The bbc are making it hard to miss, because they’ve got it on real telly and red button telly. I think they’re having a trouble because if their programme is only half an hour long and they show the best match for half an hour and the other match on red button, when they disappear you’re left only watching the rubbish match. But when they’ve got ALL AFTERNOON of real telly I think they could take a chance.

Has Shaun Murphy dyed his hair? Has it always been that funny colour? Do I just never look at him?

Williams is playing Mark Joyce, it used to be 4-0. I liked it when it was 4-0.

My favourite bit of the interview with Hendry where Hendry was all NOTHING WORKS, OKAY? And everyone was like ‘so you’re going to retire?’ and Hendry went ‘no, what.’ My favourite bit was when he said that Mark Williams was at the peak of his career and the interviewer sort of laughed at him and said not really the PEAK and he went ‘well I’d say he was’. He’s hilarious.

Hazel thinks Mark is mercurial. She also thinks John’s walk on music is the best in the world. I think that might be true if Ding didn’t exist.

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Some things about snooker:

7 December 2010 at 11:45 pm (uk championship 2010)
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Things that I like:

1. Ryan Day’s shirt. I am not looking at his match, probably it finished. Hang on. Oh. He lost. That’s sad, because I thought we were going to get rid of Selby and Murphy on the same day, and I really like those days.
2. Stephen Maguire. \o/
3. When Cliff Thorburn tells us about players as if they were gangsters.
4. John Higgins managing. If he’s two frames behind, obviously there’s no point managing too soon; and not playing too well, you wouldn’t want to peak this early in a tournament, after all. Scraping through. That’s the way.
5. Matches between Williams and Hendry. Because I am happy when anyone pots anything, and also when anyone misses anything. It was lucky I was so happy about missing things, because there was quite a lot of that.
6. Terry Griffiths being unrelentingly Terry Griffiths.

Things I don’t like:
1. I really really feel that Dennis Taylor should not be allowed to use the same commentary for every match. Also, I have been watching some golf of late, and they do not spend ALL THEIR TIME talking about snooker, so I don’t think that’s balanced reporting by the bbc.
2. Shaun Murphy.

Quarter Finals:
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Hendry/White

6 December 2010 at 2:17 pm (Uncategorized)
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Stephen Hendry is playing Jimmy White. I think I’m going to have to turn over and watch Carter. I think it’s almost patronising of the commentators to be all ‘oh, it’s sad seeing him play like this’ but at the same time IT IS SO SAD. And at least they’ve stopped being marginally gleeful that he isn’t as brilliant as he always was when he beat them at everything for so long.

I think the thing with Hendry is, obviously his concentration is shot, and he’s never going to play the way he used to. But he still keeps thinking that being cross, and being hyped up is going to help him in a match, but it doesn’t any more. He gets cross and still misses things and so he gets cross that being cross doesn’t work, and less focused in his crossness, and his concentration disappears even more. I really think if he had anything about him that would let him give up on being perfect and just relax quite a lot he might just get a bit of a flow going. But he’s never going to do that because he doesn’t WANT to play well in a different new way, he wants to play well the exact same way he always has, and it’s not going to happen and I am going to miss him so much.

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Snooooooooooker.

4 December 2010 at 2:32 pm (uk championship 2010)
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OH THERE IS SNOOKER. I had forgotten how much I miss it. It’s snooker that they’re not televising half of, and they are rushing into a week instead of two, and they have moved south so I can’t go to it, and they are not letting Clive commentate on, and it is snooker with Selby and Robertson in it, but APART FROM THAT it is real snooker with 17 frames in it.

The bbc have a new thing! A new scoring thing. It looks so grown up and polite and I love it. Telford have a nice red carpet, that is a bit like they are pretending to be a crucible, but mostly is just that they are making snooker look warm and kind.

Stevens has drawn Ding in the first round. He’s not doing so well at that. He’s two frames down and is probably going to give away this third one as well. It’s not really giving away, mostly Ding just pots everything and Matthew sits down and looks troubled.

At 1400 hours John Higgins is going to play Stephen Lee. There is snooker ALL WEEK LONG. I have been pretending that I might get anything done, but I’m not going to get anything done.

I don’t have anything to say, just a vague over excitement about snooker. I’ll go now.

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This tournament finished now.

27 September 2010 at 7:53 pm (World Open 2010)
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I am a tiny bit rubbish at remembering to comment on tournaments’s endings. Mostly because they are always WRONG. This one was rubbish and I mostly didn’t bother to watch, because I think that is more polite than watching snooker I’m not going to enjoy. Robertson won. Apparently. I am taking that on faith more than anything, though. Maybe the internet’s just lying to make itself feel better.

Apparently also the bbc are thinking of not showing the October tournament any more, which is even more rubbish than Neil Robertson winning things. You should write to them and tell them how much you liked it. Hazel, Steve and John kept saying how wonderful and amazing it was and how much EVERYONE had enjoyed it and how much it was LIKE GOLD AND BRILLIANCE. And they probably meant it, but they just sounded like they wanted jobs.

I liked having semis and a final all on one day. It was brilliant apart from how Mark J Williams had an emotion and got lost half way through his match. OH MAN. Mostly I really enjoyed this tournament and I sort of keep thinking, oh what a lovely format, but when I think about it more Allen wasn’t there and Selby left early. I think that helped. Maybe that’s something snooker should take from this. It was a good format, though. It was nice to see it work. And a few people have said to me how much they liked being able to sit down and see a match from start to finish without it taking forever.

I don’t think they should shrink the world championship, I love the world championship. I know it’s CRAZY, but that makes it GLORIOUS. And I know people are going ‘oh wow there was all the tension, but in just five frames!’ but that’s because people don’t have a MEMORY OR SENSE. There was none of the brilliant ‘OH MY GOD THE MID-SESSION INTERVAL KILLED HIM’ or any of the ‘he had a really strong second session and now THIS’, or anything that makes snooker a bit epic. I liked it, don’t get me wrong. But it was a small little tricky event. The world championship is magnificent.

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Quarter finals and the last bits of yesterday that weren’t quarter finals yet.

25 September 2010 at 5:35 pm (World Open 2010)
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Ding vs Williams

This match was weird, but nice, but weird. Ding played the first two frames without trying, and he was just sort of perfect, and it was really sad because he kept leaving the white ball just right on the cushion, and when Williams was best that was just everything he did (because he had the white ball on a string, which is cheating, but which nobody ever minded) and it was kind of like Mark Williams was old for a while. And it’s weird watching Mark Williams be affected by things, he got some kicks, and the commentators always still say ‘well he’s blessed with a great temperament’ and ‘I’m not sure it’ll matter to Mark Williams, not a lot bothers him when he’s at the table’, but he has emotions now! He doesn’t cope entirely well with everything, he looks worried and afraid. It’s like he has played his career in reverse. And he got two kicks, and phones went off, and Jan had to throw someone out of the arena. So it was all a bit trying and Mark Williams wasn’t getting in, and then the third frame was all a bit scrappy in my memory, but Mark Williams won it, and then suddenly he knew about long potting and position and things again, and Ding just stopped being perfect, like there was only so much talent to go around and it had just passed over to Williams. And it wasn’t like awesome snooker, and really I want them both to win things, and it’s unfair that they can’t.

Robertson/Higginson, and Peter Ebdon:
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24 September 2010 at 4:05 pm (World Open 2010)
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Yesterday there was snooker and it was fine. Did you notice how my blog stopped telling me anything that happened in snooker and just became sadness and worry and love about snooker? I noticed that.

Ding won. Which is nice. And Mark J just about won, which was good. And then OH GOD Liu Song so nearly won, but Peter Ebdon just sort of stabbed him until he gave up. And it was kind of awful because Peter Ebdon forgot how to hit balls and make them into pockets and they just sort of randomly scrambled away from his cue and it really was quite difficult to watch even when you (meaning I) don’t particularly want him to manage.

And O’Sullivan won, which was quite nice because it meant he got to say nice things about Jimmy White and then show BEAUTIFUL RESPECT for Hendry, which is something he excels in nowadays.

The draw mocked my naivete in FORGETTING O’SULLIVAN and put Hendry against him, obviously, but IDK. Ding and Williams didn’t have to play each other, so they are both through. 2 of 3 is good enough for me. Maybe Maguire will get through as well. Not that I am sticking up for Maguire, because I have a Policy.

O’Sullivan’s post match interview having beaten Hendry 3-1 said that basically his tournament was down hill from here, because he’s got a 147, played Jimmy White and beaten Stephen Hendry. Presumably he FORGOT that Mark Williams is awesome again now, and playing him will be nearly as good as playing Higgins. He should cheer up a bit. Also he loves Ding! He forgot about Ding. Snooker’s not as rubbish at it was a few years ago, Ronnie.

I think it’s weird when people refer to players by their nationality, you see it all the time in snooker articles ‘the welshman, Mark Williams’ and ‘the scot Alan McManus’. I don’t really think it’s weird, I think it’s totally understandable. But I think you could split them into way more interesting categories. You could have healthy looking snooker players against sickly ones. And scruffy ones against neat ones. And emotionally stable ones against slightly worrying ones. ‘The scruffy Mark Williams secured his place in the quarter finals today . . .’ is FAR MORE POINTY than merely calling him welsh. I think we should have a nations cup again because I loved it, but I would like it even more if they played healthy versus pale and tragic.

Things that make me laugh about snooker are (a) Mark Williams being world number 5, and (b) when they introduce Maguire as a winner of 4 ranking titles. HOW DID EITHER OF THOSE THINGS HAPPEN? They’re brilliant.

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Snooker. I really hate subject lines.

22 September 2010 at 3:02 pm (snooker, World Open 2010)
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Yesterday in the snooker John Virgo said ‘superbly’. It was sort of saddening somehow, kind of like all was not well with the world.

Today in the snooker Hendry is commentating. On Ken Doherty. I love today. I’ve only heard Hendry commentate about twice before, and it is a perfect thing. If it wasn’t too sad to contemplate I would almost like him to hurry and retire, so we can just listen to him judge people ALL DAY LONG.

I love Hendry. I love that he stands a better chance in best of fives than anything else nowadays, because concentration is his greatest enemy, but this isn’t the sort of tournament he wants to win, so it means nothing.

I would like Ken to play more betterly now, while I go back to looking at all the ways the draw for the next round might choose to make me sad. (So far I am thinking it’ll make Ding play Williams, because I love them both and they’re both playing awesome. And Hendry play Ebdon, because that’s my least favourite match in the world. But maybe Hendry will play Williams, which would bring me glee along with my sorrow, because I want them both to get points and more matches, so maybe the stronger sadness would balance out my slight happy. I don’t know. How snooker will hurt me next is a constant game of guesswork.)

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140-0 is a perfectly respectable score.

21 September 2010 at 4:15 pm (World Open 2010)
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Okay, I am really struggling to understand all the fuss about Ronnie not wanting to make a 147. I watched it all happen and really didn’t think there would be fuss, and now there is fuss, and I don’t understand it. Is it just the press wanting a story about how Ronnie is ‘maverick’, or are people properly judgey? Surely all that could happen from watching that yesterday is that you could go ‘oh, Ronnie’ and then get over it. (Or be utterly gleeful about him asking after one red one black about the prize. That’s far more awesome, than not potting the black is awful.)

If it’s a gambling thing then actually the appalling thing is Jan Verhaas changing reality. In reality Ronnie scored 140 points, if you put money on Ronnie making a 147 in that match you should lose your money, because he didn’t. It’s not new, people not scoring as many points as they possibly can in a frame. Loads of players take on unlikely shots after they’ve crossed the line to win a frame, even sometimes if they haven’t made a century yet. Mark J never bothered to get to a century in olden days, he didn’t care at all. If you bet on him to get a century, you have to be taking that into account. With Ronnie, whatever you are betting on, surely you’re meant to take into account that he is Ronnie O’Sullivan? I don’t think they should get moneys.

(Mark Williams has said that he should have just potted it . . . or tried a double. Oh, I love his love for doubles. I love that he tried to cut in the black off the spot because otherwise you are leaving your opponent a double and HE WANTS ALL THE DOUBLES FOR HIMSELF. I liked him telling Steve Davis and John Parrott to basically piss off thinking he was wrong, because he still liked it best.)

If the crossness is that he didn’t think £4000 was worth playing for, then they weren’t listening, because £4000 is the highest break, it’s not the maximum prize, and that’s the whole point of Ronnie’s argument. He can still win the £4000 pounds without making 147. I know he was kind of dismissive of the money in the post match interviews as well, but that’s because he’s a bit of a tosser. That isn’t news, stop making that be news.

If it’s seriously that weird thing about his fans wanting to see a 147, then that’s just nonsense. They already saw that. They saw him playing in the form and the way and the ability to make a 147, the scoreline isn’t going to change that. It’s just as awesome to see Ronnie O’Sullivan score 140 points in two seconds and then not bother with the black as it is to see another 147. I don’t understand.

If you think it’s disrespectful then you have to ban Ronnie from the game or get over it. You can’t make a rule about *caring*. You can’t say people can only play snooker if they *care*. You get to play snooker if you’re good at it. I’m not even saying Ronnie doesn’t care about snooker (it’s not his life, it’s just some green baize, it’s a game, it’s not his whole life – these brackets brought to you from Ronnie’s every interview circa 1998-2005) I’m just saying it doesn’t matter if he wants to act as if he doesn’t. You can’t build a sport around Ronnie O’Sullivan and still have Ronnie O’Sullivan in it, because Ronnie O’Sullivan’s mental well being doesn’t work that way.

I love Ding. But Jimmy Michie talking to himself in mirrors makes me happy. In a way that Peter Ebdon talking to himself in mirrors makes me sick. Continuity is for quitters. Now I would like Stephen Lee to win, and my afternoon will have a 3 for 3 record again. But I like Nigel Bond, I am a little bit sticking up for him, it will make children happy all across the world.

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